Listening skills

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Develop your listening skills

• Set boundaries:  It helps if you tell your team when they come to tell you something or you are holding a meeting, just how much time you have for this activity.
• Stay silent: Don’t feel obliged to reply to everything they say.
• Listen without interrupting: This shows the person that you are willing to listen to their ideas and allows them to talk through potential options; to think for themselves rather than expecting you to give instant answers.
• Concentrate on what the other person is saying: Don’t let your mind wander - you are listening in order to learn something. Commit to learning one fact from the conversation. Your team will be more motivated to listen to you if they feel you are really listening to them.

Two models of listening: active listening and timed talk

Active listening

• Pay attention - give the speaker your undivided attention.
• Look at the speaker directly.
• Try to put aside distracting thoughts.
• Recognise that what is not said also speaks loudly. Watch their body language.
• Don’t mentally prepare a “yes, but….” 
• Don’t engage in 'side conversations' when listening in a group.

Demonstate that you are listening

Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention. If your arms are folded or you are looking around you or reading your papers, you will not look like you are paying attention.

Show you are actively listening by:

• nodding occasionally
• smiling and other positive facial expressions
• noting your posture and making sure it is open and inviting
• encouraging the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like “yes”, and “uh huh”.

Demonstrate that you understand what is being said

As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. We all have personal filters, assumptions, judgments and beliefs that can distort what we hear. 

Show you understand what is being said by:

• reflecting back from time to time what is being said. Saying something like:“What I’m hearing is…” or “It sounds like you are saying…” are good ways to reflect back
• asking questions to clarify. Asking something like:“What do you mean when you say…”, “Is this what you mean?” or “Can you give me an example of ….” can help
• summarising the speaker’s comments periodically.

Respond appropriately

Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information, perspective and context. You also need to respond appropriately.

What can help is to:

• be candid, open and honest in your response
• assert your opinions respectfully
• treat the other person as he or she (or you!) would want to be treated.

Timed talk

This means where you agree to attempt to resolve a difficult issue by listening to each person (in a group) by timing their contribution, not interrupting the person and stopping as soon as the timer goes off.

It can also be used in pairs where you can continue to take it in turns to speak while the other party listens until you resolve the issue.

See 'Time to Think' (1999) by Nancy Kline (Cassell Illustrated).The author suggests that this is a powerful way of resolving difficult issues.

Body language

To be a convincing listener, your body language must match your verbal messages.

For example, if you are praising someone, but you are sitting with your arms folded, leaning back in your chair, or even leafing through paperwork, you are unlikely to sound convincing and the listener may feel that you are saying the complete opposite.

Remember the 5 'C's of body language at work (adapted from 'The Non Verbal Advantage' by Carol Kinsey Gorman):

• C = Context – what is the context for this conversation?  Is it appropriate?
• C = Clusters - groups of gestures such as a nodding head with a smile
• C = Congruence - when your thoughts and gestures are in tune. Incongruence is the inner conflict between what you are saying and what you truly believe. It is impossible to fake how you really feel, no matter how much you want to – it almost always leaks out and sends a confusing or demotivating message.
• C = Consistency - the usual gestures you use every day
• C = Culture – what is usual and expected in your organisation.

Useful links

Test your listening skills on the BBC Skillset website.

Have your say

How do you demonstrate that you are actively listening?  What works for you? What tips do you have for others?

Talk to others on the Your professional development forum.